It’s that time of the year again.
With limited sports action in Greene County, I will attempt to fill some space with my annual predictions sure to go wrong.
I was perfect in last year’s column … got all of them wrong. Some were so far-fetched that a prediction of the Cleveland Browns in the Super Bowl would have been more likely.
So without any further ado or any other cliches — which I try to avoid like the plague — here we go with predictions for 2018 …..
— After South Carolina beats Michigan in the Who Cares Bowl, Wolverines coach Jim Harbaugh is linked to every NFL job opening. He laughs away the rumors, saying he is happy at Michigan. He still insists he’s happy at Michigan at the press conference introducing him as the new Indianapolis Colts head coach.
— Vince McMahon successfully launches a reboot of the XFL. His first two moves are to sign Tim Tebow and Johnny Manziel as player/coaches. Jim Harbaugh laughs, saying those two are loose cannons and will never last at one place for a long time.
— The FCC bans LaVar Ball, citing a little known regulation prohibiting rubbish from appearing on TV.
— Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds are elected to the baseball Hall of Fame because as one voter ironically puts it, “the sport needs a shot in the arm.”
— LaVar Ball forms his own FCC.
— Cincinnati is awarded a pro soccer team. Queen City officials immediately begin campaigning for pro baseball and football teams.
— The Indiana Hoosiers and Coach Archie Miller play in the First Four at UD Arena and lose to, you guessed it, Miller’s former team, the UD Flyers — who are playing at home in the event for the second time.
— LaVar Ball realizes what a yutz he is and promises to change his ways.
— The Minnesota Vikings become the first NFL team to play the Super Bowl in its home stadium. That’s the good news. The bad news? They are pounded by the Pittsburgh Steelers, 45-3, in a stadium full of waving yellow towels.
— Jimmy Garoppolo is next season’s NFL MVP.
— Who is Jimmy Garoppolo? Ask the Patriots when Tom Brady’s age finally catches up to him and New England wins five games.
— The NBA tries its version of hockey’s winter classic. Talk about cold shooting.
— Aaron Rodgers is the NFL MVP even though he missed a good chunk of the season. Green Bay stunk without him, proving how valuable he really is.
— After his first game as Colts coach, Jim Harbaugh complains about a bad spot, insisting J.T. Barrett was short on a fourth-down play two years ago.
— LeBron James leads the Cavaliers to their second NBA championship, then bolts for Los Angeles in a sign-and-trade. The Lakers get James, the Cavs get LaVar Ball. Cleveland immediately folds its franchise.