By Scott Halasz
It’s that time of the year when people make resolutions.
Some vow to lose weight. Others vow to quit smoking, or perhaps be a better friend.
That’s fine and dandy. I don’t make them. I try to be good all year, not just on Jan. 1.
OK, stop laughing now.
What I do like to do is to make sports predictions. Sometimes I’m right on. Like when I said a couple weeks ago that Indiana’s men’s basketball team was overrated.
Others, not so much. It only took me 40 years to correctly predict the Cubs would win the World Series. I first made that prediction when I was six.
Anywho, here are some predictions — some of which are sure to go wrong.
First, the legit prognostications I would love to see.
— The Xenia boys basketball team gets healthy and gets going, and wins the GWOC American South Division with an upset of Trotwood-Madison Feb. 10.
— Fairborn’s Brandon Lilley will go off and make 10 three-point field goals in a game.
— Carroll’s Amanda Schroeder puts up a 20 point, 20 rebound game.
— Bellbrook’s Cassidy Hofaker is the Southwestern Buckeye League’s player of the year after leading the Golden Eagles to the league title.
OK, now let’s have some fun.
— Alabama will beat Washington in the first semifinal Saturday, but not before Nick Saban boots offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin at halftime when he catches him trying to get freshman stud QB Jalen Hurts to transfer to Florida Atlantic (where Kiffin will become head coach). At first Saban thinks about turning in Kiffin, but upon further review decides not to because he’s done with college football after this season. He announces he’s taking the Bengals job even though it’s not technically open yet. I know, I know. I made a Saban prediction last year, too. But ya never know what he’s going to do.
— The Browns sign Mike Nugent in the offseason and he kicks a 50-yard field goal to beat the Bengals in Cincinnati, knocking the Bengals out of the playoffs and giving the Browns a .500 season.
— ESPN’s Mark May gets fired because he’s an obnoxious tool.
— The Cincinnati Reds actually have 30,000 fans in attendance for a game not against the Cubs, Cardinals or Indians. And no, opening day doesn’t count.
— The Tampa Bay Rays actually have 30,000 fans in attendance for weekend series against a team not named the Yankees or Red Sox.
— Mark May is still fired.
— The NFL decides to grant an expansion franchise to Columbus. In announcing it, Commissioner Roger Goodell says, “We’ve been wanting a pro franchise in Ohio for a long time.”
— Raiders owner Mark Davis keeps the team in Oakland, but changes the name to Los Angeles Raiders. Hey, why not? The San Francisco 49ers play 45 miles away in Santa Clara and the New York Jets and Giants play in frickin’ New Jersey.
— Tiger Woods will, wait. Never mind. Last time I wrote a column about Tiger Woods I was way off and still get ridiculed about it to this very day.
— ESPN rehires Mark May.
— Just joking.
— Brian Kelly adamantly says he’s happy at Notre Dame and is not seeking another coaching position as he’s leaving an interview for the Buffalo Bills job.
— Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin reveals that he hasn’t been coaching the team this year and confirms that it has been Dr. Foreman from the TV show “House.”
— NBC’s Brian Williams says that he was there when Tomlin and Foreman worked out the deal.
— The Columbus Blue Jackets don’t lose another game until they are swept by the Chicago Blackhawks in the Stanley Cup Finals.
— Mark May buys ESPN and still can’t get rehired.