As you probably know I love puns.
Here are a few I think you will enjoy, too.
A man rented a suite of rooms at a ritzy hotel and when he arrived he noticed several bottles of bitters on a table inside his room. He didn’t want the bitters so he called the front desk to have them removed from his room but the clerk said “I’m sorry, sir, but you have to take the bitters with the suite.”
Moving right along, an inventor developed a compass that he called a “Tates” but, alas, the compass always pointed in the wrong direction. The inventor finally admitted “He who has a Tates is lost.”
A noted surgeon was performing surgery one day in front of a room filled with medical students and at one point another surgeon asked “May I cut in?”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak got cold so they lighted a fire so they could cook their dinner but the fire burned a hole in the bottom of the kayak and it sank to the bottom of the lake which just proves you can’t have your kayak and eat it, too.”
A bird called a “rook” was in danger of extinction in England, so the government established a sanctuary to help other endangered species increase their numbers.
That’s when the director of the sanctuary was asked “Bred any good rooks lately?”
The baseball game was in the final inning and the home team was trailing by one run when the team’s best hitter strolled to the plate.
He took a mighty swing and the ball soared deep into the outfield and all of a sudden a pig ran out of the bleachers, swallowed the ball and escaped through a hole in the fence.
The umpire promptly declared the game was tied and ruled the hit was an “inside the pork homerun.”
Did you hear about the fisherman who always had a faraway lake in his eye?
The, of course, there’s the one about a Weight Watcher’s Club dropout who hadn’t been to a club meeting in a month of sundaes or the other Weight Watcher who didn’t care if he ever thaw another TV dinner.
Last, but not least, there’s the story about the time a beer vat at a large brewery was struck by several bolts of lightning.
But instead of ruining the beer in the vat, the lightning actually made it taste a whole lot better.
That prompted the manager of the brewery to tell the owner of the place “This is the first case on record of a storm actually brewing.”
Bob’s “Pun of the Day: Police arrested a hermit who was driving 90 miles an hour. The charge? Recluse driving.
Bob Batz is a retired long-time journalist and a weekly columnist. Contact Bob at [email protected]