Some mornings when I don’t have anything better to do I check out the “Homes for Sale” advertisements in my daily newspaper.
I’m not searching for a house to buy because I’m perfectly comfortable in my three-bedroom ranch-style abode.
The reason I peruse the newspaper ads is because I enjoy a good shot of humor now and then and some of those ads are funny as all get out.
I saw a real estate ad the other day that promised the house up for sale had “real fruit trees.”
I’ve also noticed how some ads for homes for sale in the city are often made to sound much more … um … convenient than dwellings in the country.
One such advertisement began with the question “Why drive long distances to work when you can enjoy life right here in the city?”
On the other hand there were also ads that made country living look like paradise compared to having a house in the city..
One such ad carried the message “Why don’t you move out of the noise and confusion of the city and enjoy the slower pace of the country.”
Some home-for-sale advertisements use words like immaculate, cute, lovely, super-sharp, terrific and gorgeous.
Other come-ons that are designed to get prospective buyers to grab their checkbooks and check out the houses for sale are “neat as a pin” and “sharp as a tack” and “clean as a whistle” and “One-owner and “neat as a pin.”
Many, many years ago my mother and father were house-hunting and when they visited one real estate office the realtor gave them a glowing description of the house they were about to go look at.
When the salesman finished his lengthy spiel he took a deep breath and added “Mr. Batz this house will pay for itself in 10 years.”
That’s when my dad looked the salesman straight in the eye and said “Well, when it pays for itself give me a call and I’ll come over to your place and sign the papers.”
Bob Batz is a retired journalist and area resident and guest columnist. Contact Bob at email@example.com